My dear Stepfamily friends,
Please stop and pray for the families of the children and teachers killed and injured in Connecticut today. The pain they will go though this holiday season makes even our stepfamily issues seem small and trivial by comparison.
Take time to pray for and appreciate your children AND your stepchildren. And, as you try to explain to them what has happened, and how it could happen, be sure to remind them the the Lord loves them no matter how much craziness is in this world. His mercy and love is everlasting.
I hope you will take this sad experience to heart and, if you've been angry or dissatisfied in your marriage and stepfamily, you will reconsider your stance. Consider, instead, embracing them (even the stiff, cranky, or rebellious ones) with a love that can melt the distrust. Love them MORE than you would hope to be loved were you in their shoes.
I will be sending out another regular newsletter this weekend. Until then,
Go with God,
STEPcoach Bob
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Friday, December 14, 2012
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
When I Am the Brat
Twila Paris sings a song, The Warrior is A Child, about a Christian minister who falls into his Father's arms when he gets hurt or tired, despite others thinking he is a tough warrior. I love that song because it so clearly depicts the parent's or stepparent's dilemma. We are supposed to be strong, to remain calm and wise, to bear all the stepkids' attacks and our own children's tests, and to be saintly to our dear spouse. But we can be just as weak and just as prone to failures as anyone else in our family ... can't we?
I lost it last night. I have excuses. Input overload; tired from pressures of work; frustrated over numerous small problems; a slow Internet signal; cats determined to steal some of our cheese dip; on and on. You know, life. Anyway, one straw too many was dropped onto this camel's back and I sort of, you know, ... exploded at everyone. Threw a fit. Had a tantrum. Acted inappropriately. And ruined what had been until my outburst a perfect evening at home. My darling wife had blessed me with a short nap when we got home, then a wonderful dinner, then a quiet evening together. And I blew it.
On my way to work this morning I stopped at a little park on the way and gathered the fragments of my mind for a moment by the lake. It is a perfectly still, cool morning today, so the surface of the lake is like a sheet of glass. No ducks or geese make trails across the water today. As I look at the lake, I see so clearly the trees, rocks, and walkers on the other side of the lake, reflected in the pristine surface. An occasional bubble from a bottom feeding turtle breaks the surface and causes ripples that disrupt the serene picture in the liquid mirror, but overall it's perfect.
The Bible says, "Be still and know that I Am God." And, once again, He is right.
When I am at peace, I more clearly reflect God. Looking at that lake surface, you have to really focus to see the lake itself. Instead, you see what is reflected on it's peaceful face, in this case, the beautiful natural setting on the other side of the lake. When I am at peace, you do not at first see me. You see what I reflect.
However, on a windy day when waves disrupt the lake, or when outside forces disturb it (like ducks or rocks thrown by someone), the lake itself jumps into view. You lose the serene picture of the reflection and are jolted back to looking only at the lake and what's disturbing it.
How much time do you devote to peaceful meditation and prayer? How many times during the day do you sit aside the jangling issues of your life to find your peaceful, quiet center? ("Be still and know that I Am God.")
If you are a spouse to someone you value; if you are a parent to a normal child; if you are a stepparent to a "typical" stepchild, you need to "renew your strength" on a regular basis. To be who your mate, your children, and your stepchildren depend on, you must give them the gift of a peaceful you. And in order to have that peaceful you available for them, you must take time for your surface to grow calm.
I know, I know. In a hectic daily grind life of work, chores, responsibilities, parenting, marriage, and everything else, it can seem impossible to find your quiet self. But of all your tasks, this one is one of the most important. You MUST do it. In order to be the person your family is depending upon, you MUST repair your soul regularly. Join a prayer group or a Bible study class or a yoga class. Find a quiet park on the way to work and leave early enough to stop there. Hire a coach to guide you.
Get something in place to help you. Because, if you're like the vast majority of overburdened individuals out there, you'll set it aside and place your serenity last. If you put it off, if you let it slide, you will wake up someday ashamed and disturbed at what you've become. You owe it to your family, your God, and yourself to do this.
If you just cannot find a way to find your peaceful center otherwise, I will help. But whatever method or assistant you choose, DO IT. Your future is counting on you.
God bless your whole family!
STEPcoach Bob Collins
To hear Twila Paris' song and read the lyrics, you can go here: http://artists.letssingit.com/twila-paris-lyrics-warrior-is-a-child-dcc26pg
I lost it last night. I have excuses. Input overload; tired from pressures of work; frustrated over numerous small problems; a slow Internet signal; cats determined to steal some of our cheese dip; on and on. You know, life. Anyway, one straw too many was dropped onto this camel's back and I sort of, you know, ... exploded at everyone. Threw a fit. Had a tantrum. Acted inappropriately. And ruined what had been until my outburst a perfect evening at home. My darling wife had blessed me with a short nap when we got home, then a wonderful dinner, then a quiet evening together. And I blew it.
On my way to work this morning I stopped at a little park on the way and gathered the fragments of my mind for a moment by the lake. It is a perfectly still, cool morning today, so the surface of the lake is like a sheet of glass. No ducks or geese make trails across the water today. As I look at the lake, I see so clearly the trees, rocks, and walkers on the other side of the lake, reflected in the pristine surface. An occasional bubble from a bottom feeding turtle breaks the surface and causes ripples that disrupt the serene picture in the liquid mirror, but overall it's perfect.
The Bible says, "Be still and know that I Am God." And, once again, He is right.
When I am at peace, I more clearly reflect God. Looking at that lake surface, you have to really focus to see the lake itself. Instead, you see what is reflected on it's peaceful face, in this case, the beautiful natural setting on the other side of the lake. When I am at peace, you do not at first see me. You see what I reflect.
However, on a windy day when waves disrupt the lake, or when outside forces disturb it (like ducks or rocks thrown by someone), the lake itself jumps into view. You lose the serene picture of the reflection and are jolted back to looking only at the lake and what's disturbing it.
How much time do you devote to peaceful meditation and prayer? How many times during the day do you sit aside the jangling issues of your life to find your peaceful, quiet center? ("Be still and know that I Am God.")
If you are a spouse to someone you value; if you are a parent to a normal child; if you are a stepparent to a "typical" stepchild, you need to "renew your strength" on a regular basis. To be who your mate, your children, and your stepchildren depend on, you must give them the gift of a peaceful you. And in order to have that peaceful you available for them, you must take time for your surface to grow calm.
I know, I know. In a hectic daily grind life of work, chores, responsibilities, parenting, marriage, and everything else, it can seem impossible to find your quiet self. But of all your tasks, this one is one of the most important. You MUST do it. In order to be the person your family is depending upon, you MUST repair your soul regularly. Join a prayer group or a Bible study class or a yoga class. Find a quiet park on the way to work and leave early enough to stop there. Hire a coach to guide you.
Get something in place to help you. Because, if you're like the vast majority of overburdened individuals out there, you'll set it aside and place your serenity last. If you put it off, if you let it slide, you will wake up someday ashamed and disturbed at what you've become. You owe it to your family, your God, and yourself to do this.
If you just cannot find a way to find your peaceful center otherwise, I will help. But whatever method or assistant you choose, DO IT. Your future is counting on you.
God bless your whole family!
STEPcoach Bob Collins
To hear Twila Paris' song and read the lyrics, you can go here: http://artists.letssingit.com/twila-paris-lyrics-warrior-is-a-child-dcc26pg
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Simplify Your Life
How much of the stress and tension in your home and relationships could be removed or lessened if you could just simplify your world? If every task didn't involve a dozen other tasks to accomplish? If you could just do something without an hour's preparation?
I'll bet many of your disputes are started or made worse by the stress you have to carry around with you all day long. Well here is a lovely list I found for you at one of my favorite blogs, Zen Family Habits. I'm sharing it with you in hopes you might find a little less stress and a little more time to connect with your family. I've emphasized a few that I think are especially pertinent for stepfamilies. Enjoy!
Reducing complexity in my life has reduced stress, increased free time, and top priorities are actually top priorities. When we simplify as much as we can we are better able to slow down and enjoy each moment as opposed to rushing through it. Here are a few ways you can simplify the various aspects of your life:
1. Turn off your cell phone.
2. Process email only twice a day.
3. Go to bed early.
4. Get rid of (or at least reduce) commitments that you do out of obligation.
5. Create a weekly meal plan.
6. Automate your finances.
7. Purge as much unneeded clutter as possible.
8. Keep your paper shredder on top of your recycling bin.
9. Add items you want to a wish list as you think of them.
10. Get a label maker or write labels out by hand.
11. Set your clothes out for the next day the night before.
12. Make your lunch for the next day the night before.
13. Make time to catch up with an old friend.
14. Just say no.
15. Ask for experiences not things for your birthday and Christmas this year. (love this one!)
16. Tell the truth.
17. Keep your list of addresses and phone numbers up to date.
18. Consolidate debt.
19. Create an organizing system that works for you.
20. Keep a bag for garbage in your car.
21. Carry a notebook and pen with you where ever you go.
22. Unsubscribe from emails, newsletters or RSS feeds that don’t provide value anymore.
25. Take time to really see the little things in life.
26. Reduce the amount of TV you watch.
27. Get outside.
28. Create morning, daytime, and evening routines.
29. Ask for help.
30. Do things at home as much as possible (eat, date nights, entertain etc.).
33. Focus on a simple, but healthy, eating plan.
34. Share responsibilities.
35. Reduce your wardrobe to a few versatile items.
36. Be positive.
39. For every new item that enters your home set two free.
40. Want what you have not what you don’t.
41. Revisit what you carry with you in your purse or wallet.
Nice list, huh? This will only help you if you apply it. For more tips on creating a happier, more fulfilling family life, contact me about family coaching. I'll be happy to help you design your own perfection plan!
STEPcoach Bob Collins
I'll bet many of your disputes are started or made worse by the stress you have to carry around with you all day long. Well here is a lovely list I found for you at one of my favorite blogs, Zen Family Habits. I'm sharing it with you in hopes you might find a little less stress and a little more time to connect with your family. I've emphasized a few that I think are especially pertinent for stepfamilies. Enjoy!
43 Simple Ways To Simplify Your Life
Simplicity. How can we make things simpler, more streamlined, or more efficient? Is this all just hype or is there actually something to this simplicity thing?1. Turn off your cell phone.
2. Process email only twice a day.
3. Go to bed early.
4. Get rid of (or at least reduce) commitments that you do out of obligation.
5. Create a weekly meal plan.
6. Automate your finances.
7. Purge as much unneeded clutter as possible.
8. Keep your paper shredder on top of your recycling bin.
9. Add items you want to a wish list as you think of them.
10. Get a label maker or write labels out by hand.
11. Set your clothes out for the next day the night before.
12. Make your lunch for the next day the night before.
13. Make time to catch up with an old friend.
14. Just say no.
15. Ask for experiences not things for your birthday and Christmas this year. (love this one!)
16. Tell the truth.
17. Keep your list of addresses and phone numbers up to date.
18. Consolidate debt.
19. Create an organizing system that works for you.
20. Keep a bag for garbage in your car.
21. Carry a notebook and pen with you where ever you go.
22. Unsubscribe from emails, newsletters or RSS feeds that don’t provide value anymore.
23. Apologize immediately when you realize you’ve done wrong.
24. Enjoy the present moment as much as you can.25. Take time to really see the little things in life.
26. Reduce the amount of TV you watch.
27. Get outside.
28. Create morning, daytime, and evening routines.
29. Ask for help.
30. Do things at home as much as possible (eat, date nights, entertain etc.).
31. Don’t get caught up in other people’s drama.
32. Let go of the self-imposed need to be perfect.33. Focus on a simple, but healthy, eating plan.
34. Share responsibilities.
35. Reduce your wardrobe to a few versatile items.
36. Be positive.
37. Start a gratitude journal.
38. Finish old tasks before taking on new ones.39. For every new item that enters your home set two free.
40. Want what you have not what you don’t.
41. Revisit what you carry with you in your purse or wallet.
42. Focus on one thing at a time.
43. Store new garbage bags at the bottom of your garbage can.Nice list, huh? This will only help you if you apply it. For more tips on creating a happier, more fulfilling family life, contact me about family coaching. I'll be happy to help you design your own perfection plan!
STEPcoach Bob Collins
Friday, June 26, 2009
Self-Image Guidance
Interesting blog article by Intimacy 4 Us. I found it (of course, on Twitter) just today and read some wonderful advice. MY advice is to go there (link is below) and read their advice.
Some of the things they talk about are Breast Anxieties, Hairy Situations, Excessive Sweating, Should I Nip and Tuck? Some are very personal - but those are the ones so many people need some guidance in.
YOU are the most important person in your family. You owe it to THEM to take care of YOU. So go visit http://www.intimacy4us.com/bandaids-selfimage/ and get you some you time!
Looking out for YOU,
STEPcoach Bob Collins
Twitter: STEPcoach
Some of the things they talk about are Breast Anxieties, Hairy Situations, Excessive Sweating, Should I Nip and Tuck? Some are very personal - but those are the ones so many people need some guidance in.
YOU are the most important person in your family. You owe it to THEM to take care of YOU. So go visit http://www.intimacy4us.com/bandaids-selfimage/ and get you some you time!
Looking out for YOU,
STEPcoach Bob Collins
Twitter: STEPcoach
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)