My Spouse or My Kids?

My Kids or My Spouse?

You married for love. You married forever. But you never expected your marriage would involve having to choose between your new spouse an...

Friday, March 27, 2009

Your Life in (1980s) Music!

You know, with all it's fluff and silliness, music from the 1980s had some real grit to it! Just look at the examples below of songs that still have some bite to them today. These were songs we grew up on (or our kids did!) and, looking back, I can still find some good lessons in them. Enjoy:

* Falling in love= "Flashdance...What A Feeling," Irene Cara • married love= "It's My Life," Talk Talk
* Stepfamily love = "The Second Time Around"-Shalamar & "With You I'm Born Again"-Billy Preston
* Are you hurting?• "Love On The Rocks"-Neil D;
* Time for marriage mediation: when you are "All Out Of Love"-Air Supply & "Upside Down"-Diana Ross
* Before "Another One Bites The Dust"-Queen - try family mediation
* It's never too late: "Working My Way Back To You/Forgive Me, Girl" - Spinners • Don't give up on your love!
* Divorce:no; Mediate:YES! "We Don't Talk Anymore"-Cliff Richard "Please Don't Go"-KC & Sunshine Band
* Mediation for married couples = "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"- Rupert Holmes • look for love at home!
* Ah reconciliation is beautiful! "Do That To Me One More Time" - Captain & Tennille
* "Never Gonna Give You Up," by Rick Astley - words to live by for man & wife 4 life!
* Successful marriages ... "Makin' love out of nothin' at all."
* with "Don't Worry, Be Happy," B McFerrin quoted Jesus' sermon on the mount, & offered solid advice for families

So, if you're having rough times in your relationship,
"Hit Me With Your Best Shot" - I can help!

Monday, March 9, 2009


Patience is most needed where it's hardest to give.
Let me restate that:
Patience is hardest to give where it's most needed.

I recently spent the weekend with my hyper excited, energetic eight-year-old stepgrandson. He is a ball of fire, and prone to explosions at very unexpected times. Just when you think we've got it all settled about what we're doing, he will go 180 degrees and claim utter confusion. So we start all over again. >sigh<
He needs (and deserves) a LOT of patience. He is a whole new basket of lessons for me! An outburst and sulk in a restaurant teaches me about getting his attention, speaking slowly and clearly, and making sure he is focused on what I say.

The patience he needs is the patience I'm hard pressed to find.
But the patience he needs, I really NEED to learn.

It's like this with most kids. I remember his mom trying to get me to blow up just so she could smugly say, I know you'd get mad at me! And now I'm relearning those lessons. Thank you Lord. Wasn't once enough? (Apparently not!)
The kids you don't need patience with would be the easiest to be indulgent with. They sit quietly and listen intently and remember exactly. (Do those really exist?)

But the kids who demand most out of you (and many stepchildren seem to fall into this category), are the ones who NEED your patient indulgence most. They are the ones who have had the roughest time, who've lost the most, who've been the most damaged by their parents' divorce.

These are the kids who are looking to you, out of the corner of their eyes, for some spark or divine longsuffering. Indulgence. Patience. Forgiveness. Unconditional love.

No one else is as qualified as you. No one else sees the good in them - perhaps just from looking at their parent whom you love you can see their potential. If you can out last them, you will win their love. If you can out love their tests, you will earn it.

Never give up on this new family of yours. You promised. They are counting on you. Show them.

Remember 1 Corinthians 10:13 …

Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.


Top Ten reasons to Mediate

Here is my Top Ten list of reasons you should consider mediation with your ex-spouse:

10. Lots cheaper than going back to court

9. Dress casually—flip flops and blue jeans are OK!

8. Brag to your friends that you thought of it first

7. Mediation takes much less time than going back to court

6. Finally, you get to complete a sentence while talking to your ex!

5. No jail time (unlike murdering the jerk)

Your kids see how fair and reasonable you are
3. Judges like it when you mediate (which is always good)

Your ex has to pay half the fee (HA!)
1. Your solution, your way, to your satisfaction—you always win with mediation!


[NOTE: other options for the list were:]

* mediators are so cool to hang with

* mediation is so much fun!!

* lawyers already have too much money

Bobby Collins, state certified family mediator

www.FamilyMediator.ORG — 522-7490

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Kissing School!! Really!

So, how much do you kiss your Sweetheart? Remember when you were in that first blush or romance? GET IT BACK!

Divorced Parents' Tips

From my new report on Children of Divorce:

* Your kids are afraid they'll hurt you by loving their other parent- TELL THEM IT'S OK to love the other parent! you MUST!

* Your kids are confused about where they stand in this new life - sit down and TELL THEM what to expect, reassure them!

* It is vital that your kids open up to you about fears, confusion, anger, questions, pain. ENCOURAGE THEM to talk!

* It's normal for your kids to hope you get back together - don't fuss at them about it, BE PATIENT with them!

* Realize divorce DOES NOT end your relationship with your kids' other parent - it INTENSIFIES it! Learn the right way!

* Your kids will FOLLOW YOU in how they adapt to the divorce, angry & obsessed or hurt & recovering. WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING THEM?

Email me about getting your copy of this 30+ page report.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009


A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no children appearedinstead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!

He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, 'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?'

The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,'
He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...'
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car.
'It's my brother,' he said, 'he rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.'

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.'

Moved beyond words, the driver followed the frantic boy to his brother's overturned wheelchair. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.
'Thank you, Sir, and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger. The man watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. Thinking about what he'd just experienced, the rich young executive tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat.
The damage to his beautiful car was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door.
He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.


Thought for the Day:

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.

He sends you flowers every spring.

He sends you a sunrise every morning

Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!

Send this to every 'beautiful person' you wish to bless.

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Show your STEPfamily Pride!