Thursday, October 9, 2008

Relationship Tip: Develop Fierce Loyalty!

Here's an idea to give your sweety a jolt of happiness and your relationship a shot in the arm. Practice developing a personal sense of Fierce Loyalty toward your mate.

By Fierce Loyalty, I mean an ardent, strong attitude toward taking your partner's side, no matter what the situation. Let me give you an example. Recently a client told me how embarrassed he gets when his wife gets loud in defending her child. Often, he says, if she'd just ease off, the situation would take care of itself, her child wouldn't be embarrassed, and neither would he.

Yes, she seemed to be going overboard in some cases. And, yes, she probably could have more effectively handled many of the situations without turning them into confrontations. But, as he admitted, this was just the way she deals with stress.

So, I asked him if he could think of a way to make her change her ways, to quiet down and approach things more peacefully. He said with a sigh that he couldn't really see her doing that in the foreseeable future; that's just her way. His demeanor clearly said, Poor me, I guess she'll just keep embarrassing me like that.

But wait a minnit! Isn't this your sweetheart? Isn't this the lady you couldn't stand to be without just a couple of years ago? And wasn't she pretty vocal even then? (Yes, but it seemed different, he said.)

Well, it looks to me like you only have two choices here: you can run away or you can take control of the situation! Running away means admitting you can't keep your vows, that you are wishy-washy about loyalty and love, that you arent' trustworthy. Bad choice!

Which leaves Taking Control of the Situation. Most men will admit they like the idea of taking control instead of turning tail and running away. Actually, most ladies feel that way, too, right? So how could he take control of his loud, excitable wife without starting a war with her?

Simple. Take her side. Develop an attitude of Fierce Loyalty for this sweetheart of yours. What does that mean in practice? Let's say she repeats the pattern - jumps overboard and gets loud in defending her child at, say, a volleyball game. Hubby now has a choice. He can duck his head and try to hide from anyone knowing he's associated with her. Or he can step up, put his arm around her shoulder and say, You tell 'em, Honey! I'm right here with you, Pardner.

What will that do for him? Well, at least he won't look like a wimp, hiding from his wife. Instead he's supporting her in her belief. It also shows his stepkids that he believes in their mom and is a full partner with her, which will affect the way they look at both him and their mother. Plus it will reassure his wife that he is fully engaged in her life, rather than just hanging around.

By the way, after my client started taking this approach with his wife, and consistently showed her his Fierce Loyalty, guess what began happening? She started calming down. Not completely, but to a noticeable degree. Seems that once she realized she wasn't having to fight all her battles alone, she wasn't as defensive.

What's this mean for you and your mate? When you married each other, it was with the full expectation that you were gaining a totally committed partner who would be with you through everything. Fierce Loyalty is the natural result of that commitment. You've promised to love and honor that special sweety of yours forever. Doing so - especially publicly - will help them appreciate you so much more, and it will allow you to feel like you are doing right by your love.

Show your partner and your kids what being in love is all about. Develop Fierce Loyalty for your mate and watch them blossom because of it.

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